I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
