sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
