got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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