I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
