I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
