I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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