I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize