Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i've created a new STD.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
