it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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