Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
whose parrot is this?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
