yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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