When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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