Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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