Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
