She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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