You smell like stripper and shame
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
