I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
