Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
