It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize