im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
