Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
