if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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