You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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