I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
