hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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