just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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