oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
