"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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