You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
