let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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