fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's the barista slut.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
