i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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