Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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