One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
