I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
