everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
