I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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