if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
