New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
