Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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