Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
