somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
