He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
