No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
