Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
