Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
