Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
