Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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