Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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