As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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