I wish I only lived at night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
