just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
