I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
