guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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