found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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