Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
