I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
