He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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