shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
