remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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