Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
