i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
