Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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