You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
