feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
