my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
