if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
