And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
