Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
