just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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