Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize