were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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