hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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