PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
