get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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