We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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