went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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