I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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