Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
