WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Terrible idea I love it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
