fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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