Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
