i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
