So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
