On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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