I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
