Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
