She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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