I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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