Don't make out with my wife yet
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
